Trust me
"The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show."" It's fascinating to watch as the writers and producers tell off the Internet fans that proclaim "Worst. Episode. Ever." every week, meanwhile giving us a nickname for anyone in any situation that feels that the solution to a problem is more of themselves ("Whenever Poochie is not on screen, all the other characters should be asking, 'Where's Poochie?'.") Awesome.
Anyway...Monday Mission.
1. Since we've covered the standard "where do you go when you die" question, let's get a little deeper. When you do die, would you like to be able to watch your funeral? I imagine that might be interesting, though if I was badmouthed I couldn't issue a rebuttal. Frustrating.
2. Catholics must have the longest funeral services ever. I think there is a lot to be said for the traditions that they keep, but it was just so depressing. I'd like my funeral to be much more upbeat, like those I've seen in New Orleans. What type of funeral would you plan for yourself? Catholic masses aren't THAT long. Actually, I can only vaguely remember a few that I served at in grade school since no member of my extended Catholic family has died; my two deceased grandparents were both Lutheran. Myself, I'd like national television coverage and twelve women weeping at my grave. A flyover by the Blue Angels would be nice. Have The Bangles perform "Eternal Flame" as I decend into the ground. Or I could just be buried in a rock and rise in three days, but I think I'm pushing it with God already.
3. As a , when I was angry sometimes I would wish that a parent or teacher would die. Thank goodness wishes like those are never granted. I think it probably takes the loss of someone important before you learn the value of life. When did you first realize that life was so fragile? Life is fragile? Uh-oh.
4. When we said our final respects to Grandma H. today, I though about her impact on the world. No, she didn't cure cancer or make sweeping changes to society. But she did leave a legacy of four sons and a daughter. And maybe that was her purpose, to launch future generations that will accomplish great things. Some of us are here to make a huge splash in the pond of life, others are here to direct the ripples in the water. Of the people you've known personally who have passed away, what sort of legacy, impact, mark or achievement did they leave behind? Only my grandparents fit the description of "known by Peter, deceased" and with all due respect to them they didn't have that great of an impact on society. Not that 99% of people out there do. My grandfather was chief of police of Antioch, Illinois, and a damn fine one from everything I hear. And his wife was a saint. But you can't legitimately say they contributed any more than the average person.
5. One thing that struck me at the funeral, was that there were so many men were dressed in casual clothes. I was brought up to believe that men should always wear a suit to a funeral, as a show of respect. Maybe these men were never taught that. Maybe they just don't own suits. Maybe that I am just old fashioned and not hip to the times. Do you think there is an "appropriate" way to dress for attending a funeral? Or is it even important? I'm reminded not of a funeral but a confirmation I served at where our priest peeked out at the gathering crowd and saw a sponsor wearing a Cubs t-shirt. You've never heard such an angry priest. He was right: the ceremony called for a certain level of dress, and a funeral, certainly a more imporant occasion, does as well.
6. Grandma H. was far enough along in life to have been able to plan ahead for her funeral, even down to the tiny details such as song selections. It was nice to finally attend a funeral where they didn't play "Amazing Grace!" My choices would be "Ode to Joy" and "I'll Fly Away." What are some of the more memorable songs you've heard played at funerals? Again, I've really no frame of reference: I can barely remember the few I served at in seventh and eighth grade, and my grandparents each had more a memorial service than funeral (with no music I can remember.) At my funeral I'd like the aforementioned "Eternal Flame," and then I could have a cliched entry here like " Got Back" but I'd rather go the route of the Barenaked Ladies' "One Week" since " " would be too obvious of a "not expected at a funeral song." Yeah.
7. I've been craving some home-made pickles for years now. Not just any, but the kind my dear Great Grandmother made. It's been over 20 years since she died, but I can still remember just how her dill pickles taste. No one in the family has even attempted to make them since. Today at the funeral I overheard someone wishing that they had asked Grandma H. for her home-made noodle recipe but now it was too late. Do you have any favorite foods that only one relative made, and the recipe died with them? Nope though when my mother dies I'll be stuck with just fast food.
BONUS: Is it true, all of those things that they say about you? Not in the least.